TRANSFORMATION SYNERGY

lyrics

resurgence

tear me down

i was locked inside myself

i'd forgotten what it's like

to feel like others do

you can say i'm selfish

in my search to find my way

but i'll never be like you

chorus: i won't be broken

i will break the spell you put on me

and i won't let you tear me down

all these dreams that i surrendered

capitulating to your will

pretending i was fine

layer over layer

consequential self-defeat

i was sheltered, i was blind

(chorus)

obsessed

your ears are open

but you can't hear a word i say

your mind is filled with

the doctrine of a brand new day

lost in delusion

believing there's no other way

your eyes are blinded

your spirit painfully decays

chorus: you're so obsessed with ignorance

confused and broken soul

marching in step with all the sheep

doing exactly what you're told

you play the victim

stone me to death for what i've done

you nailed yourself upon a cross

pretending you're the chosen one

but if they only knew

there's no place left to run

all your hypocrisy will surface

exposed by the sun

(chorus)

you tell a thousand tales

but none of them are true

the truth will conquer lies

but the lies will conquer you

the truth will conquer lies

but the lies will conquer you

(chorus)

shadows of my mind

i wandered off into the darkness

longing for a refuge in the light

i ran away from all the chaos

far away, i ran into the night

love, come and save me from this madness

tell me everything will be alright

chorus: hidden in the darkness for a lifetime

(for a lifetime)

i was afraid of what i'd find

so terrified of what i could be

(what i could be)

got lost in the shadows of my mind

dreams never come true for the dreamer

left here to reap what i have sown

now everything that i must fight for

i stand against the odds alone

(chorus)

deep down inside, i hear the whisper

you can't keep running from yourself

i hid in the shadows for a lifetime

(for a lifetime)

i was afraid of what i'd find

so terrified of what i could be

(what i could be)

until i left it all behind

by the light

my eyes look upward

staring into the sky

fixated on this feeling

i can't deny

light floods my senses

as i fight the urge to cry

my wings are broken

but i feel like i could fly

chorus: by the light, i can see again

by the light, i can breathe again

the colors so vivid, the veil so thin

by the light, i can take it all in

my intuition tells me the time is near

the possibilities becoming oh, so clear

i try to rid my mind of everything i fear

and smile as all my worries disappear

(chorus)

(spoken): red, yellow, orange, green, blue, indigo, violet

rainbows within rainbows

all the colors blend

circles within circles

connect from end to end

(chorus)

sweet lotus

oh, sweet lotus

how i long to open up again

i dreamed that i was flying

right into the sun

on wings of intuition, wax

and long, white feathers strung

and all the while, i felt like i

could never come undone

and as i crashed into the earth

i knew what i'd become

chorus: oh, sweet lotus

how i long to open up again

oh, sweet lotus

rising from this world i'm drowning in

i can hear them fighting

over nothing, wasting time

i need to rise above

to leave this pettiness behind

i'm drowning in their words

and sinking in the mud

for everything i've sacrificed

it never seems enough

(chorus)

i've mended broken wings to rise above it all

found my purity again, i hope that i won't fall

oh, sweet lotus

high above the chaos, standing tall

oh, sweet lotus

steady me, and never let me fall

oh, sweet lotus

how i long to open up again

oh, sweet lotus

rising from this world i'm drowning in

oh, sweet lotus

how i long to open up again

oh, my sweet lotus

dawn is the beginning, not the end

akai moya (insomnia)

this is not the end

turbulent as it seems

crimson blurs my vision

sleep i take for granted

i don't want to miss out

red haze

(red haze)

pulls me into submission

mr. mars

"don't take this personal," he said

"it's my dark sense of humor"

and then he called me a whore

spreading twisted rumors

i guess that's what i get

for trusting in his "wisdom"

i shouldn't take offense

at his "constructive criticism"

chorus: maybe that's just it

you've got it made

maybe that's just it

you've got it made

maybe that's just it

aphrodite ain't got nothin' on mr. mars

it must feel good to be so blind

to privilege you embrace

disregard your accountability

when it's thrown back in your face

i'm just a bitch, what do i know?

tell them all there's ice in my blood

i destroyed your reputation

stomped your ego in the mud

(chorus)

let me know when you're through

making excuses for yourself

let me know when you're through

putting the blame on someone else

(chorus)

mai phen rai

(instrumental)

angel city

i learned how to speak

as i flew on giant wings

and when i finally came back down

everything was so serene

i turned to step outside

into the darkness of the street

the air so thick and humid

with the sun's remaining heat

chorus: angel city

don't forget me

how i wish that i could stay

left my heart in paradise

oh, how it hurts to turn away

woke up in angel city

gazing through weary emerald eyes

stared at my reflection

and i began to cry

all the pain was worth it

no more living lies

no more hiding secretly

living in disguise

(chorus)

into the circle

they say i'm bound for hell

i've been there already

now i'm back

heaven knows what i've been through

to get my life on track

into the circle

there's no need for me to hide

into the circle

all the tears of joy i cried

through the darkness of the unknown

holding onto hope inside

into the circle

into the other side

they say, "congratulations

welcome to the elite

you've made it, now you're one of us

you're finally complete"

i sympathize with everyone

the ones who feel ignored

i've walked a mile and then some

left behind an open door

chorus: into the circle

there's no need for me to hide

into the circle

all the tears of joy i cried

through the darkness of the unknown

holding onto hope inside

into the circle

into the other side

human again

if you never understand

i will be alright

if you try to break me

i will stand and fight

i have walked through the fire

never giving in

all i wanted was to feel

human again

i climbed so high

crossed the ocean wide

found a way to reach

the other side

i've journeyed far

hiding pain within

all i wanted was to feel

human again

i lost my love

so long ago

it felt so safe

but how was i to know

that love is pain

misery within

making us feel so

human again

all the memories fade away

as the promise of another day

i step into my fate, it's clear

love is empty when it's fueled by fear

if you never understand

i will be okay

the "me" you used to know

is doing fine these days

but i have been reborn

without the pain within

now i finally feel

human again

somebody else

i used to be so full of doubt

i wore myself down in and out

i had no clue what life's about

i felt the need to bail out

chorus: i've had this feeling deep inside

(i used to be somebody else)

i had to take it all in stride

(i used to be somebody else)

i always had to run and hide

(i used to be somebody else)

this secret made me feel like i could die

(i used to be somebody else)

i used to hide myself within

afflicted living in this skin

my solace methodised as sin

i never knew when this would ever end

sick

starving for attention

waiting for the meal

gossip on the table

filling them with zeal

and as she passes by

the jealousy sets in

once again

chorus: what have we become?

sick with envy, sick with hate

living in a loaded gun

we won't stop 'til it's too late

she can't hear the rumors

they would only tear her down

they tell a thousand stories

when she is not around

she is slender, such a beauty

with her porcelain skin

a model of perfection

a reflection of their sin

(chorus)

what have we become?

sick with envy, sick with hate

finger on the trigger

we can't stop 'cause it's too late

out of the circle

i will stand up for you

can you stand up on your own?

the paradigm is broken

leaving some without a home

all this separation

disagreement and dissent

volatile and hateful

suffocating our lament

chorus: out of the circle

precious flesh and bone

i won't cry for you

when you find yourself alone

the argument is useless

you and i are still the same

no need to point the finger

there's no one here to blame

all this separation

disagreement and dissent

volatile and hateful

suffocating our lament

(chorus)

out of the circle

precious flesh and bone

i will stand up for you

until you're on your own

paralyzed

cold wind blows

far above i see the path the water flows

rise and fall

all the violent waves of sorrow down below

chorus: our arrogance destroys us

poisoned with our greedy eyes

guilty of abusing power

leaving us so paralyzed

ashes fall

over time, our lust will kill us all

when will we

listen to the dying voices when they call?

(chorus)

if i came back

i walked away so long ago

i never said i wanted to let you go

the pain was killing me

killing you, i know

all the faded memories

scars that never show

chorus: if i came back

things would never be the same

if i came back

you would never know my name

i knew the words i had to say

i know it's difficult to deal with change

the memories bleeding me

bleeding you, i know

all the faded agony

i couldn't let it show

(chorus)

if i came back

things would never be the same

if i came back

you would never try to change

transformation synergy

defined

banished me once again

you still cannot understand
in your eyes i'm still a man
diagnosed me as an illness you can't stand

exiled me and turned your cheek
now you label me a freak
treated me like i am weak
taken away my rights and curbed my will to speak

look past my eyes into my mind
this is my true self defined

prejudice with blinded eyes
tongues that twist their vicious lies
now i'm just a sacrifice
given an ultimatum with no compromise

lovesick antidote

you think the rules just don't apply to you
you think i'll give you what you need
you think this song's about you, don't you
you want permission to proceed

how many ways are there to say no?
how many times will i go down this road?

you're showing me your good intentions
they're just a camouflage to me
you think i'm just the woman for you
in your pathetic fantasy

how many ways are there to say no?
how many times will i go down this road?
you should have understood this long ago
i'll never be your lovesick antidote

self

it's not a secret anymore
the life of lies i lived before
it agonized me to the core
and now my heart is weighted sore
this part of me i once explored
this mask of lies that i once wore
and now my life's an open door
the me inside ignored no more

somebody else

i used to be so full of doubt
i wore myself down in and out
i had no clue what life's about
i felt the need to bail out

i've had this feeling deep inside
(i used to be somebody else)
i had to take it all in stride
(i used to be somebody else)
i always had to run and hide
(i used to be somebody else)
but this secret made me feel like i could die
(i used to be somebody else)

i used to hide myself within
afflicted living in this skin
my solace methodized as sin
i never knew when this would ever end

i used to be somebody else

human being

you've got a toxic agenda
it's not a secret to me
you want to pass this enda
without including the "t"
you've got a few reservations
a few conditions to meet
you can't include these people
they go against our moral beliefs

i'm not a condition
i'm a human being
i'm not a provision
i'm a human being

you've got a moral dilemma
hypnotized to hate
you've got elitists to fend for
people to placate
you're lying through your teeth now
the blood is still on your hands
you're busy letting people die
and you just don't understand

(spoken):
you need to step down mr. big cheese
you can't see the forest for the trees
you can't stand for human equality
without including people like me

identity

i had a vision i was becoming just like you
felt so forced to live my life the way you wanted me to
i couldn't give you all you expected me to be
i couldn't be myself without you looking down on me

you remember what i was
you remember the way i used to be
i'm still the same i was
i'm still the same identity

i had a dream that i wasn't the one you thought i was
kept recurring in my sleep til the alarm clock buzz
i couldn't tell you all that i wanted you to hear
even though these memories in my head rang so clear

funduhmental

you want to hear me tell you i've converted
you want to hear me tell you i'm perverted
you want to tell me that i'm narcissistic
you want to say i'm not being realistic

open your eyes
(the truth will set you free)
open your mind
(you'll see the real me)

you want to hear me tell you i'm immoral
(without examining yourself)
you want to rest completely on your laurels
(without examining your health)
you want to say i'm living in a delusion
(with no accord for who i am)
you want bring upon me more confusion
(while telling me i'm a sham)

prying eyes

you will never comprehend
what i'm going through
you want me to pretend
that i'm just like you
you need me to depend
on your fortitude
you want me to put an end
to my whole attitude

can't you see the woman i am inside?
can't you set your prejudice aside?
can't you understand why i would hide
who i am inside from prying eyes?

you want me to restrain
my own destiny
you will never use my name
when you refer to me
you want me to live in pain
and such agony
you think i'm the one to blame
for your suffering

w

hey, hey you
tell me what's the story
hey, hey you
are you after glory?
hey, hey you
what's my category?

you used to be so full of trust
and now i look on you with so much disgust
you told us why we this war's a must
and covered up your own ever-growing lust

hey, hey you
showing me deception
hey, hey you
offering protection
hey, hey you
like a bad infection

stop assigning blame
don't you have any shame?

hypocrisy

you don't have a clue how it feels to be me
you will never let me have my dignity
suffered through a lifetime of misery
just to hear you ridicule me constantly

you're the only reason i feel so ashamed
disappointment, aggravation, placing the blame
out to prove me wrong, now you're taking aim
never giving in to knowing the me i claim

how does it make you feel to think you're always right?
does it make you feel like you're seeing the light?

break the code

cold razor burning through the skin
is this the only thing that saves me from my sin?
which direction do i take?
how much more will i forsake?
how much longer do i have to pretend?

i've been down every path, every road
i've done everything i can to break this code

cold steel warming the flesh
is this the only way to put myself to rest?
lay out all my feelings
my scars are never healing
i can never get this off of my chest

i've been down every path, every road
i've done everything i can to break this code
i've been searching everywhere, high and low
i've tried everything i can to break this code

denial

time after time
i've tried to tell you how i feel
you can't believe me
'cause you think that it's not real
can't wrap your head around
the things that i describe
you want to keep on trying to
prove that i'm not right

how does it feel to keep
denying how i feel?
how does it feel to think
my feelings aren't real?
how does it feel to be
a sadist and a creep?
how does it feel to be
a self-repressing sheep?

look both ways before crossing

look both ways

some girls have it easy
some girls have it good
some girls have to struggle all their life
to claim their womanhood
some girls have to flaunt it
some girls have to hide
some girls have to face their fears
or leave the girl inside

hey, be careful now
we'll make it through somehow
just look both ways before you cross

some girls have the fortune
some girls have the fame
some girls have to hold their tongue
and some girls take the blame
some girls get their hopes up
some girls get things done
some girls have to give it all
and some just want to have some fun

the least of your concerns

all the eyes are on me
as a thousand white hot glares
focused on my stature
as they pierce me with their stares
permeating through me
so concerned with my affairs
how could they have known me?
how could they become aware?


i'm the least of your concerns
your worries and your fears
i'm the least of your unease
your sorrow and your tears

drowning in the silence
as i take another breath
leaving me in darkness
as i take another step
feeling so exposed
as if i were such a threat
to this twisted world
and their twisted etiquette

exposed

drums keep pounding a rhythm to the brain
seasons change but the song remains the same
what have i to gain except the blame?
hoping, praying you will break the chain

let me shed this mask that hides my face
let me claw my way into your grace
give me back my right to dignity
if you love me you must let me be

sacrificed myself for you before
you saw through me right down to my core
setting all your bait-and-switch trapdoors
tolerance to you must be some chore

furcht vor änderung


warum haben vor Änderung so Angst?
wir wünschen alles die selben bleiben
weil wir Sachen die Weise mögen
sind sie und das ist das

aber wir stellen nicht fest
dass Änderung unvermeidliche
leute ändern selten ist unser Verstand
wird in Stein eingestellt

so ängstlich von der Änderung das
das wir ablehnen, nachzugeben
um Unvermeidlichkeit zu übergeben

ich bitte Sie nicht, Ihren Verstand
ihren Verstand zu ändern er wird
in Stein eingestellt so warum verlangen Sie
dass ich meinen Verstand ändere
um mich an Ihre Standards anzupassen?

alle bin ich Fragen von Ihnen...
alle bin ich Fragen von Ihnen die einzige
sache bin ich Fragen von Ihnen ist
ihren Gesichtspunkt zu ändern
so was haben Sie vor an erster Stelle so Angst?
ich weiß, dass Sachen schwierig zu verstehen
sind wenn Sie in einer Luftblase leben
so was haben Sie vor an erster Stelle so Angst?

(in english)

why are we so afraid of change?
we want everything to stay the same
because we like things the way they are
and that is that

but we do not realize that change is inevitable
people rarely change; our minds are set in stone
so afraid of change that we refuse to give in
to surrender to inevitability

i will not ask you to change your mind
it is set in stone
so why are you demanding that i
change my mind to conform to your standards?

all i am asking of you...
the only thing i am asking of you
is to change your point of view
so what are you so afraid of in the first place?
i know things are difficult to understand
when you live in a bubble
so what are you so afraid of in the first place?

put yourself in my shoes

no more lies and alibis
secrets hidden in disguise
deviantly compromised
the truth is in my eyes
no more false apologies
pious people to appease
myths and broken theories
the truth is in my eyes

hey there, mister know-it-all
i've been waiting for your call
you must think you've paid your dues
put yourself in my shoes

no more hiding in the shade
deal with the choice you made
no more whimsical charade
the truth is in my eyes
no comparisons to me
you lived your life differently
i'm right here for you to see
the truth is in my eyes

not that kind of girl

his steel blue eyes pierce me to the core
he said i think i know you from before
is there a chance i might give you a call
i don't want to take it slow i want it all

you want to be with me forever
i'm not that kind of girl
you want to claim it's you and me together
i'm not that kind of girl

girl you know i think you're really sexy
i'd like to take you home if you would let me
you won't believe the things i'd do to you
and after it's all done i'll make you love me too

s/he

nature or nurture
nurture or nature
either or neither
none of the above?
male or female
female or male
neither or either
none of the above?

aren't we all the we
the we we claim to be;
aren't we all the we
the we we claim to see?
in our hearts, inside these walls,
are we not really we at all?

tortured understanding
understanding tortured
sexually deviant
none of the above?.
narcissistic focus
focused narcissism
deviantly sexy
none of the above?

© Copyright 2009 Chloë Handler
All Rights Reserved.

glam noir girl

she's so afraid
she's so afraid to let them inside
she's got it made
she's got it made as long as she hides
she's so betrayed
she's so betrayed by all her own lies
she'd run away
she'll never run away from their pride

she wants to be herself
nothing's as it seems
she wants to be herself
not just in her dreams

she's in disguise
she's in disguise 'cause their eyes are jaded
she's glamorized
she's glamorized; sophisticated
she's got the look
she's got the look to drive a grown man crazy
she's got the look
she's got the look 'cause she's a glam rock lady

be yourself
don't let them tell you who you are
be yourself, girl
glam noir

nobody's fool

she likes to feel like a star
in all her dreams she's a glam rock vixen
she plays electric guitar
she plays her heart out for the few who would listen
but all her friends will agree
her music's all about passion
she only wants to be free
but the girl is always a slave to fashion

she's a diva in disguise
(diva in disguise)
she lives by her own rules
she may seem so insecure
but she's nobody's fool

she likes to live like a star
and all her dreams are reality now
she still plays on her guitar
but now her friends say that she just sold out
it took so long to get here
she said with a smile
it took so long to get here
but it was all worthwhile

dirty little secret

hello?
hey, baby
i'm just curious
when are you gonna tell your friends about me?

silent for so long
i wanna be your girl
but you keep me away from everyone
(keep me away from everyone)
i need to move on
i wanna walk away
but i'm better off if i run
'cause you and i are done
i don't care what your friends think
i won't be there
to watch you drown when your ship sinks
i'm moving on without you
and i don't need to
no, i won't apologize
because i'm living my own life

i am not your dirty little secret
i am moving on without you, baby
i am not your dirty little secret
and i swear i'll never be your lady

i was so naive
i wanted to believe
you weren't ashamed to tell them i was your girlfriend
everything you said
i know how i misread
it doesn't matter anymore
'cause i'm leaving

i can't believe you won't even tell them about me
what kind of monster do you think i am?
well, that's fine
if that's the way you want it
then you can find yourself a different girl
'cause we're through

see through love

i am not a damsel in distress
i am not a devil in a dress
i am not a hot hot tranny mess
i am not the least bit bit impressed
you play the game but you don't know the right moves
you're acting like you know the sweetest words to use
you think you're winning but i've got some bad news
don't get too cocky boy you're just about to lose

my heart is fragile but your love is like glass
you're laughing now but i'm the one who laughs last
why does it make you feel good to make me feel so bad
with your see through love

you tell me you think i'm really hot
super gorgeous vixen sex sex pot
i am not impressed with what you've got
i'm not looking for a hot hot shot

i'm just a glutton for your punishment punishment
your love is twisted but i'm lovin' it lovin' it

normal

the rain upon her window
her eyes are full of tears
hands are shaking badly
as she turns to face her fears
one more day in focus
before it's not so clear
so many words unspoken
she dreamed about her future
she thought about her past
she wished that you were by her side
the days go by so fast
if only you could see her
the woman she became
if only you could call her
call her by her name

if she could only be normal
normal like her friends
normal like her family
normal just like them

the stars are lit like candles
one more lonely night
remembering her childhood
as she turns out the light
things were so much better then
such a better life
her memories were void of all this
misery and strife
this was not her choice
it's not the thing she wanted
left behind the voice of
the one that she once haunted
all the girls and boys
all the ones who taunted
everything that she believed

it doesn't mean i'll be your girl

boy you just don't know it
boy you don't know how you make me feel
boy you better show it
show me you know how to keep it real
boy i need your fire
boy you know i wanna be your flame
boy i'm sick and tired
boy i'm sick and tired of your game

you can call me beautiful a thousand times a day
you can tell me i'm your world
i can listen to the sweetest words you've got to say
it doesn't mean i'll be your girl

boy you need to prove it
prove to me you're not another fake
boy you better move it
i don't need another heartache

show me how you want me
don't tell me how you'd flaunt me

if you can't stand the heat

dj keep on playin' playin'
playin' that song song song
keep the party goin' goin'
all night long long long
everybody's movin' movin'
until the break of dawn dawn dawn
dj keep on playin' playin'
playin' that song song song

dance to the rhythm
(to the rhythm)
feel the rhythm
let your body feel the beat
move to the music
(to the music)
get off that dance floor
if you can't stand the heat

dj keep on playin' playin'
playin' that boom boom boom
keep the party goin' goin'
people fill the room room room
808 is bangin' bangin'
bangin' just right right right
we just like to party party
party all night night night

turn to you

i just can't deny
i'm lost in your eyes
i can't break away
you've got me hypnotized
all the things you do
and all the things you say
and when i'm in your arms
i start to melt away
i start to melt away

boy you make me crazy
and there's nothing i can do
when i feel so lonely
that's when i turn to you

i just can't believe
what you do to me
the way you pull me in
i just can't break free
all the the things you say
and all the things you do
baby, you're so fine
i'm so into you
i'm so into you

fantasy

i see you watching me
i know you'd like to make me yours tonight
i see you stare at me
i know you'd love it just to take one bite
your eyes undressing me
no need to tell me what you've got in mind
you best be careful boy
you need to know that i am one of a kind

i know you've got a thing for girls like me
you want a woman who can be sexy
i'm in your kinkiest and sweetest dreams baby
'cause i'm your fetish i'm your fantasy

i see you staring boy
i know you'd like to take me home tonight
i see you watching me
you're on the prowl and i am in your sights
your eyes caressing me
you make me feel like a different girl
you best be careful boy
you need to know that i can rock your world